“Are you happy now?” I asked myself.
Like a slap in the face it hit me, I was stunned because no, I was not happy now that I had 'this.' 'This' was my weight, the achievement of my goal. I was the smallest I’d ever been. I had just stepped on stage but yet, I still despised my thighs. My legs weren’t quite lean enough. I wanted a 6 pack, not just a tight core. I weighed myself every single day, sometimes twice per day.
And yet here I was, where I thought I wanted to be, and I still wasn't happy with myself. I imagined feeling so much differently. Don't get me wrong; I was proud of my accomplishment but I can't say I was truly happy nor was I healthy.
Instead, I felt drained. I wasn’t the energetic or overly vibrant version of myself that I knew and a sense of sadness kept coming over me. I just didn't feel like the true me. My poor, poor husband! When I realized that I was now where I thought I wanted to be, and yet more miserable than ever, it was a turning point. So, I started to address an issue that no diet, meal plan, or fitness routine ever really does and that’s bettering myself, mentally and emotionally. I started to love myself. I used strength training, eating well, journalling and so on to find a happier, healthier me. I was no longer after a weight on the scale, 6 pack abs or leaner thighs. I was after balance.
I learned that you don’t just owe it to yourself to be happy, you owe it to everyone else in your life as well. If you aren’t happy exactly where you are; it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be any happier 10, 30, 50 lbs lighter, or once you achieve whichever goal you are after. Believe me, I know! A fit lifestyle isn't only about losing weight. It's about actually keeping the weight off and finding the true happiness within. Practice this all throughout your health & fitness journey and you won’t end up where I was after reaching a goal I thought would get me there.
It's been months since I've stepped on a scale. My happiness, my progress is no longer driven by any number. My mindset has changed. The way I feel from the inside out means more to me now than how I look physically. How I look physically has become much easier to maintain because how great I feel keeps me pushing forward. It all started with that 'a-ha' moment. The moment a number no longer meant anything. The moment all I wanted was a better, stronger, healthier, happier version of me. My true balance. A belief in my own value just as I am right NOW.
Whatever you desire to do, to be - mind, body or soul - you can achieve it. The key to doing is always believing that you can. You're the one that makes yourself happy, and your happiness shouldn’t depend on your weight -- on some number. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that you can’t move along in your journey when you are constantly doubting and self-sabotaging. Be kind to you, say nice things, have a positive mind. Love yourself first. Work hard, one foot in front of the other and everything will fall into place.
Until next time,