In recent years, I’ve worked really hard, not so much on being as lean as I possibly can, but rather on a balance of both physical & mental health. Both of which I’d take any day over fighting with my body.
You see, in the picture on the left, I was extremely obsessed with food, getting my training in, & doing anything to get the number on the scale to go down.
I’m smiling because I pushed through, I made it, I maintained the discipline & did what I set out to do. I'm smiling because despite how much I was still struggling, one month post fitness competition with body image, anxiety & some concerning health issues, I was extremely proud of that accomplishment. After all, this level of leanness was what I always wanted, wasn't it?
Fighting for this body actually damaged:
…my social life
….my overall health
…my mental health
…my hormonal health
….my sleep patterns
…date nights with my hubby
& also further damaged my relationship with food & exercise.
At the time, however, fear of weight gain was overwhelming, who would I be without the body I’d worked so freakin’ hard to achieve? I had basically given all my value to a level of leanness, a size & number!! This couldn’t be it, could it?
The above realization was the slap in the face I needed to turn inward & face reality because I couldn’t of survived without changing it. Changing my mindset was the key to my healthiest, best self. And honestly, it was harder to do than achieving the body on the left because it took mental & emotional courage & strength, as opposed to just strength in the physical sense. It took learning to listen to my body as opposed to beating it into submission.
Oddly enough, I believe, all of that, everything I just mentioned, as sad as it is, has led me to where I am today. You’re not always going to love where you’re at, but you gotta accept that you’re there for a reason & learn from it.
On the right, I’m at home in my own skin. I’m substantially healthier. I feel free. I’m confident in my self-worth & the fact that it has absolutely nothing to do with numbers or sizes yet everything to do with self-love.
Today, I’m free:
….from food & exercise obsession
….from scale numbers & sizes
….from anxiety around food & exercise
….from damaged hormonal health & disrupted sleep
….for spontaneous adventures & date nights with my hubby
….to prioritize my life as I see fit & to turn inward & listen to what my body is actually telling me.
The point of this post is just simply, honesty & inspiration. It’s a note that achieving a certain size, number or level of leanness will NOT make you happy, especially if you aren’t taking care of yourself; mind, body & soul.
If you’re trapped thinking that happiness & health equate to a certain size or number, I encourage you to drop those ideals. I know firsthand how scary it feels to let go of scale numbers, sizes, obsessions with food & even yo-yo diets but I can promise you that the freedom you gain from letting go of those obsessions, finding peace & working internally will eventually bring you exactly where you want to be. If you are just surviving, stop! & instead, work on learning to thrive. It doesn’t matter if it takes you YEARS, in the end, the time it took will be totally irrelevant. Trust me!
Until next time,